my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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