I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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