Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
