someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
