im drinking this country out of the recession.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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