Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
