If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
