I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
