I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
