nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
