Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Are we still banned from the library?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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