I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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