I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
