We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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