i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
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The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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