Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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