When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just cropdusted the office
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
