I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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