she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
