I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
