Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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