You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He shit in the fireplace
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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