dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
