my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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