yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
