i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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