I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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