Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
