I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
