Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
