Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
