Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
