I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
