i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
