Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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