I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize