How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
