I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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