before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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