Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
