It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
