i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
