She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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