I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize