I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
