her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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