You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
