Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
worst night to have a conscience
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
