gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
