My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
