You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
