i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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