I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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