Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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