The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
