You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
