dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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