Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
