Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
