You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
