I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
