So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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