how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
