hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
