I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
