Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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