Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
