Quick, to the slutcave!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
