Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
