Ambien. No doubt about it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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