What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
