Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
