the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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