so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
