what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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