Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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