I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
