i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
